The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
