I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
