PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
