Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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