So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
