i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
