I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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