Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
