I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
