my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
