he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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