I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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