I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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