I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
