I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
