They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
