I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize