I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
