i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
