Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
