my mouth tastes like poor choices
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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