dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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