Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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