apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
