He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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