Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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