So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
