If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
