Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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