Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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