I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
