we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
