Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
