I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
