Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
