That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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