I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The Olympian is in my bed
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