"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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