We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
