I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
