Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
