is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
