I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
