I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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