so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
