super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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