we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
