do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
