Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
