she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
