i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
