I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
