I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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