she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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