the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
