So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
