I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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