Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My vagina just recognized that song.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
