Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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