He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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