I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
