Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
