and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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