I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize