Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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