did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
