the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
