I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
