Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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