Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
