her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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