His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
