He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
