you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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