morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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