Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
