just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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