Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize