He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
