Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
