i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Randomize
