paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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