I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
