do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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