took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
